TEAM CHRISTINA - last hope for breast cancer treatment in Germany

The trip to California was a huge success! Mandi and I enjoyed our whirlwind trip, it was filled with a great deal of laughter and brainstorming. There were mechanical issues so we had to deboard the plane and wait for a new plane to arrive. We finally made it back to Portland around 3:00am. We were exhausted by the end of the trip but were both able to take a little nap on the plane ride home.

It's a go! I can go to Germany for cancer treatment, so I need your help. Below are the details about the treatment costs and ways to help. I know that it is possible to raise this money in a short time period, with the help of all of you that love me and/or have been touched by my story. PLEASE help spread the word, I can not do this without the help of my friends, family, and the community at large.

Team Christina- last hope for breast cancer treatment in Germany

“You are terminal.” Hearing these words was not a surprise, to Christina, as she has known since being diagnosed in 2011 that her prognosis was not favorable – the five-year survival rate was rare. Despite this, Christina continued to live life big including earning her masters degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling in 2015, with a 4.0 GPA! She has endured many surgeries and harsh chemical treatments over the years. Complimentary treatment modalities including acupuncture, massage, Ayurvedic practices, and chiropractic interventions have been foundational in nourishing her body and maintaining the best health possible.

After years of research, Christina has identified a clinic located in Frankfurt, Germany called Infusio. Recently Infusio opened a stateside clinic in California however; the cancer treatment is only available at the Germany clinic due to FDA regulations. This weekend, she had the opportunity to travel to the stateside clinic for a consultation and diagnostic workup by Doctor Whitney; who states Christina is an excellent candidate for the cancer treatment protocol. Following the consultation, Christina had the opportunity to speak directly with Dr. Battiade, that heads the German clinic, to outline the most promising personalized treatment regimen.This truly is Christina’s last opportunity to find health, allowing her body to come back into balance. Infusio offers many IV infusions and cutting edge healing approaches, many of which are in clinical trials in the US.

Treatment will take place in Frankfurt, Germany lasting 4-weeks and includes lodging. The cost of the treatment is $28,100 plus travel and food. Christina's intention is to travel to Germany February 16, 2016 to begin treatment.

Christina is asking for your help so that she can continue to beat the odds and live on for many years to come. Please consider donating toward her treatment costs. She has faith that through the generosity of others, she will successfully raise the money needed for treatment. Christina has 7-weeks to raise the money. Please help her beat the odds by donating – it is possible to make this a reality for her!

300 people donating $100 = $30,000

60 people donating $500 = $30,000

30 people donating $1000 = $30,000

Christina is a loving wife, mother of 16 children; biological, adoptive, and foster, a daughter, sister, friend, advocate, and therapist– She is determined to continue to beat the odds and find healing. Christina is one of the most positive individuals many of us know, many refer to her as the "Queen of Reframe" finding that bright spot in a sea of darkness. She needs your help to make this treatment option a reality. Spread the word to all your friends, co-workers, family members, religious affiliations, and social groups. Upon receiving your donation, Christina will mail you a handwritten note of gratitude to celebrate your support, please include a mailing address with your donation.

Donate Online:  https://www.youcaring.com/Team.Christina

Donate by Mail: 

Christina Garrett

PO Box 192

Philomath, Oregon 97370

So here we go, 7-weeks to raise $30,000! Let's make this possible for Christina, this is the last hope for her body to fully heal. Many people have a bucket list, Christina does not, her biggest wish is to find healing so that she will continue to live and be a part of all of our lives. She ends all of her blog postings with "Today, I am hopeful" - She has taught us all that hope is a commodity. 

Today, I am hopeful~

Full length video on link below:

https://youtu.be/2vK0Mw3fqXU

It took over a year but, it is done

Medicine Wheel made for me  by Rita Baxter

Ever since I underwent the bilateral mastectomy late last fall, I have been carrying around many post-surgical thoughts, due to the poor outcome. Although a bilateral mastectomy is standard of care “SOC” for those with my diagnosis, instead, earlier in my diagnosis I chose to have a lumpectomy – and then several additional lumpectomies as tumors returned. Late spring 2014, the surgeon was unable to get clear margins after removing a newly formed tumor – this led me to seek out my Texas medical team for their opinion of what they would recommend: removing additional tissue or a bilateral mastectomy. The Texas oncology surgeon advised, “It is time to do the bilateral mastectomy”. I was a bit tired of having my graduate school plans interrupted by multiple lumpectomies, so I thought I would go ahead and heed the treatment advice having both breasts removed. And so I did. Since that time, I have had a resurgence of tumor cell activity reaching over 800% in number only one month after surgery, clearly the surgery kicked off a shit firestorm of cancer cell activity. Now I have have a terminal diagnosis. But let me back up.

After consulting with the Texas team, pain management was discussed in great detail due to multiple allergies to pain medications, and the desire to reduce post-surgical suffering. While I was in the hospital, the reconstruction surgeon was the admitting doctor – so he was in charge of my hospital care. After surgery, I was left suffering without the agreed upon morphine drip, even after the nursing staff contacted the surgeons office, he refused to prescribe morphine and instead ordered a shot of a different medication. I refused the shot for two reasons: I did not want to experiment with an unknown medication that may cause an allergic reaction and frankly, I had an IV and did not want a shot in the ass. The result, I was left lying in a hospital bed suffering. After several hours of incredible pain, Curtis was able to fill a prescription of oral morphine the oncology surgeon had previously written and I began to self-medicate to make it through the night until I could be discharged the next morning.  I remained in Texas for about two weeks before I was well enough to travel back to Oregon.

When the bandages came off, I was less than pleased. It was a hot mess. One breast larger than the other, partial areolas remained on each breast – it just looked like a sloppy mess. As time went on, I thought perhaps things would settle in and look better. This did not happen. I wanted so badly to schedule a meeting with those two surgeons to show them what they had done to my body – treated it so poorly, surgical procedures sloppy and incomplete. I felt incredibly betrayed by these two individuals. I trusted them with my body and they handled it like a random carcass, this is evidenced by the outcome.

So over the past year, I have been considering what to say to them – how to convey the results of what they left behind. I considered recording a video and sending it to them to insure the essence of what I was saying was clear. I considered not doing anything. I considered writing them a letter. I considered posting my story on their review sites. Then the other day, I finally was able to know what I was going to do, I would send a letter along with two photographs – one is post-surgical after all the drains and most bandages came off and the other was take this month. I authored a short one-page letter addressed collectively to both surgeons, here are a few excerpts:

“My body was left mangled and deformed; you both let me down! I trusted you with my body, I was not looking for perfection but what was delivered is what I consider sloppy, rough, and uncaring surgical execution as noted in the photographs.”

“I wonder if you mistook my lighthearted positive demeanor to signal, I would accept subpar results.”

‘I have written this to both of you because I am not sure exactly which surgeon was in charge of which part of my surgery. I want you to both see your work and consider the lack of quality and understand how this has impacted me not only physically but also emotionally. I too hope that during future surgeries you will always remember that your patients are putting their trust in you to handle their body in a professional, delicate, and loving manner.”

After I wrote the letter, I experienced a sense of relief. I had waited so long to express my thoughts of what they had done to me, the remnants of what was left. The reflection in the mirror spoke loudly- the result quite devastating. I left the letter to rest upon my nightstand for a day. The next morning, I reread the words I wrote and decided that in its simplicity, it expressed exactly what I had hoped. My hurt and pain, that was written in the letter was now wrapped in the safety of the most beautiful envelopes addressed to the two surgeons. As I slid the two envelopes into the mailbox slot, I said aloud, it is done.

I am not clear as to why it took me so long to write this letter – I write often to express myself. I too am reminded of the chaos and damage that was done to my body every day I see my reflection. I suppose I wanted to come from a place of love rather than anger, although I do not consider myself an angry person. I think I have not had an expression of anger, for the most part, during this cancer journey because I have the awareness that behind anger is something else, so I skip the anger and get to what is really going on. Typically, it is deep hurt, betrayal, or disappointment. Nevertheless, it is done. I feel a bit lighter and free as I was carrying around something that was not mine to carry; it now rests in the hands of its rightful owner and what they choose to do with it, well that is on them.

I want everyone to know that getting a bilateral mastectomy is traumatic to your body and soul. As I have said too many of my friends, it is not cute. I offer these photographs demonstratively to show the butchering that was done to my body. This truly is a cautionary tale to encourage everyone to identify the right surgical team, double check, do not rush decisions, do not trust the recommendation of others, and most importantly trust your own intuition. If it does not feel right, even if you do not know exactly what it is that feels off, stop and allow yourself time to figure things out.

                         November 2015

                         After Surgery 2014

Shifting gears, in a couple weeks, I am traveling to a clinic in California called Infusio for a consultation. The flagship Infusio is located in Frankfurt, Germany and offers many treatment modalities not available in the United States. They recently opened a state side clinic, so I am looking forward to meeting with the state side doctors to find out what a treatment plan in Frankfurt will look like. After reviewing my condition,I am hopeful the doctors agree that I am a good candidate for the 20-day cancer treatment at their Germany clinic. I am excited about the possibilities! I know I am sitting with a terminal diagnosis, but I am not ready to give up on bringing my body into balance so it can fully heal. In a future posting, I will write more about the particulars of the clinic, one exciting treatment is that they grow your own stem cells and implant them back into your body. Of course, this clinic is very expensive but if you measure the costs of the clinic alongside my recent chemotherapy and treatments, the clinic becomes very reasonable in price. I am not sure how I will pay for the treatments but I am hopeful everything will work out. Here is the thing, this is my life. I am not ready to die and if there is a chance that I can find healing through reasonable means, well, it is totally worth it. Please send endless good thoughts of healing peace and prayers my direction. I have a feeling wonderful things are about to appear in my life.

Please consider donating to my online fundraiser:

Fundraising Link:  http://www.gofundme.com/christinagarrett

Today, I am hopeful~

I'm so fancy~

The past few days have been challenging – my body aches and my fatigue is marked. I have been allowing myself to rest when needed and giving myself a gentle nudge to leave the house when needed. My week started with a bang! Monday’s I have my acupuncture appointment; I travel to Albany for my body treatment, which is healing and relaxing. I was getting settled into the acupuncture room when Mandi Schwendiman (acupuncturist) and Sabrina (administrative assistant) gleefully entered the room holding a bright yellow box.

Mandi has seen me during my highs and lows – she has been treating me over the past four years. This year, I have been seeing her weekly, she has been my confidant, has laughed with me, carried my secrets, comforted me when the tears flowed, and listened as I shared my soul. My insurance benefits for acupuncture only allow for approximately 5-6 acupuncture sessions annually; Mandi has been seeing me weekly even though my insurance benefits ran out a long time ago. She is a special soul and I am grateful to have her in my life. Returning to the yellow box. A smile graced my face, with anticipation as I opened the box. Before me was a pair of the most flashy, sparkly, size 5, 5 ½ inch heeled shoes! So why the shoes? There were many weeks when I headed to acupuncture appointments, barely able to walk due to the side effects from chemotherapy; I would hold the stair handrail tight as I walked up the steps to the clinic. Sometimes the fatigue was so great, after entering the room, I would crawl upon the table to lay down. It was during these times that I spoke with Mandi of going to the market and the need to begin riding the electric scooters. There I was roll’n up and down the isles with my mask on, baldhead beaming, and people staring! Mandi decided then that I needed to have increased fun at the market and be more “flashy” as to own my new mode of transportation – her idea, a pair of extremely high heeled shoes! I laughed when she presented the idea, but she was serious. I reminded her of my tiny feet, that of a third grader, size 5 on a good day, not to mention they are tiny, fat, and thick size 5 feet. This did not detour Mandi from her mission, she pressed forward with finding my glamourous shoes. Her idea was to walk into the market in flip-flops, secure my electric ride, reach into my bag to get my flashy high heels, put them on, and proceed with my shopping. Fantastic, I know. I pealed the tissue paper back and pulled the sparkle shoes out and put them on; the shoes actually fit. Then, with the assistance of Mandi and Sabrina, they helped raise me to my feet. I must have looked like a baby deer trying to walk for the first time. Mandi reminded me the shoes are NOT for walking. LOL

The good news is that I am no longer requiring the use of electronic transportation at this moment.

Tuesday was an eventful day. I was up and ready to go at 9:00am, I was heading to Newberg to see my friend Leslie. A couple years ago, Leslie taught me how to make jewelry and on this day, we were ready to make some earrings and necklaces. I was so excited, I love making earrings and of course, I love to laugh. I stayed until her kiddos Nicky and Ab’s got home from school; I love those kiddos and always have a great time with them. Having good friends that support me, share laughter and tears, and love you even though, even when … those are the people I roll with. I am beyond fortunate to have lovely devoted friends.

This week I received a special package from a class of 6^th grade students. Inside were beautiful cards, notes, and drawings. The students offered words of encouragement and support. Several of the students planned with their classmates to all wear pink October 23, 2015; this was the day the class wrote the letters. It was uplifting to read the notes – I responded to each of the students and just sent off a return package that included a little treat for each student. To have a group of students, that don’t know who I am, willing to share their hearts – this is some pretty cool stuff.

On my rough days, I can always dig deep and find inspiration; all I have to do is look through my treasure chest of letters. The box overflows with letters from friends, family, and those I have never met. I am humbled by all the love and support.

Somehow, everything seems to always work out.

I continue to trust I am where I am supposed to be.

I am determined to not crumble under this terminal diagnosis.

I am determined to bring healing and balance to my body.

I have more work here to do, so I am not ready to go.

I continue to speak into the universe asking for a healing miracle.

Please consider donating to my online fundraiser:

Fundraising Link:  http://www.gofundme.com/christinagarrett

Today, I am hopeful~

A little this and a little that.

As my mind continues to bring memories back, I have been reminded of some funny moments that I would like to share along with a quick health update.

Flight from Portland to Houston:

Leslie and I were so excited to experience traveling first class, in style. It was early in the morning when our flight was departing but our excitement fueled our alertness. As we boarded the plane, we noticed people were sitting in our seats. We both looked at our tickets to make sure we were on track – you know that quick panic prior to settling into the correct seat. For a moment, I thought perhaps we really did not have first class tickets – as though it was too good to be true. The flight attendant began talking with the seated traveling companions; they presented their tickets noting Row 22! As they relocated, there was some mumbling about traveling and airplanes. Leslie and I chuckled a bit, perhaps they thought they were flying Southwest, grab any seat you can! Thankfully our seats where reclaimed by its assigned owners – Leslie and I.

Flight from Houston to Portland:

I so want to share a story, but again Leslie would never speak to me; let’s just say there was quite a bit of chaos prior to boarding. As we settled in we were both sweating like freaks! I grabbed an ice pack and handed it to Leslie – she then quickly ordered an adult beverage and I took a Xanax.  Life was good. As the flight proceeded, I began having hot flashes, I was waving my church lady fan rapidly to gain some comfort as the sweat rolled off the back of my baldhead. A woman sitting across the aisle from us stood up and grabbed a portable fan out of her bag and handed it to me. THANK YOU! Nearing the end of the flight, I returned it to her – then shortly after I had to break out my hand held fan – I was hot flashing again. The lovely woman grabbed her fan and handed it back insisting that I keep it noting, “I have been there before”.  Awe, it’s about the little things…compassionate people, fans, and fresh air.

Hair falling out and hair coming in:

Of course, my hair fell out; I have been down this road before. What is new this time is that all my eyebrows and eyelashes fell out too! My first go around with chemotherapy in 2011 thinned my brows and eyelashes, but this time it claimed them all. I know my hair is growing back; I am kind of “fuzzy” right now. What I was not expecting was the resurgence of facial hair. All those years and money spent on electrolysis and laser hair removal treatments – washed away. The man hairs on my chin and upper lip are coming back strong, long, dark, and coarse! What the heck? My eyebrows are equally as wild, circa 1980s. I was so self-conscious about my eyebrows I went to the salon to have them waxed down a bit. While at the salon, I learned how to apply false eyelashes – that’s a bit tricky but I am getting better at applying them each day. Hair is clearly on my mind, I had a dream the other night that within a matter of hours my pubic hair grew back in full force! LOL This hair growing back thing is like something out of National Geographic deep jungle addition; I am bracing myself for the impending grow back on all areas of the body. Where is the bright spot, well I am counting on my hair growing back curly, just like last time. I know the curls will eventually leave, but they are super awesome for growing your hair back. Please, please, please, bring back the curly hair!

What’s new and what’s next:

After about 15 days on my new supplements (protocol), I had my blood drawn to check my tumor marker counts – the good news is that everything is holding steady for the moment! I am thrilled about this, yet the reality of the doctor’s diagnosis sits in the shadows of my joy. My increased energy has allowed me to resume researching clinics outside the US that offer treatments not available in the states. I found a clinic in Frankfurt, Germany offering several modalities I have used along with others I have researched and wanted to undergo – like stem cell and oxygen treatments. For now, I am excited about my bloodwork, increased energy, and possibilities to regain health in Germany. Time will tell what the next steps will be for me to continue a healing path.  

Cape Kiwanda Rock Cliffs - where true beauty unfolds.

I really wish I could go back to work but I know that my journey right now is to take care of myself and hopefully experience a healing miracle. I have been spending time with friends and family on the days I have energy and just hanging out at home when my body tells me to rest. This current space is a difficult one to sit in, for both Curtis and I. At times, we both become overwhelmed with emotions – it is not easy. The tears flow more often and sometimes comes without notice. I am determined to beat the odds and return to full health. I appreciate everyone that continues to support my family, send prayers, and positive healing thoughts my direction. There is a saying that one quickly learns who your real friends are when there is a challenge or tragedy – they are the ones that show-up. I am truly blessed to have so many people rooting for a healing miracle and loving on my family. Thank you for being a part of my journey! I enjoy those that continue to send letters – I enjoy writing, as it is very cathartic. I too am getting to know people on a deeper level along with cultivating new friendships. So keep writing – I send a handwritten response to everyone.

Send letters to:

Christina Garrett

PO Box 192

Philomath, OR 97370

Today, I am hopeful~

Time Escapes Me

Texas Morse Family

 It seems so long ago that I traveled to Texas, yet it was merely nine days ago since my return. Time escapes me; days grow long and slow yet seem to travel fast – a complete contradiction, absolutely. It is difficult to explain – that is a theme these days. My mind unable to find the words to portray the essence of what is occurring neither in my mind nor in my body. I long to register the poetry of what is occurring – one would have to live it to understand it I suppose.

First Class food

Leslie & Christina 

My trip to Texas was widely successful. Thanks to Darrin & Deborah Poole, my traveling companion/caretaker/friend Leslie and I traveled first class; I am quite sure I have been ruined forever – first class travel is the only way to go! During my travels, I was able to connect with my Ayurvedic practitioner, a few Texas friends, two of my sons, one grandbaby, and spend time with my family. There are several very hilarious stories that I would like to share – but I fear Leslie would never speak to me again – we laughed endlessly. There were tears shed too – part of roll’n with me these days. 

Pablo, Christina, & Quentin

Unknown! LOL

There was the big question between my niece Karlie and I of what species of bird we were looking at! We actually turned the truck around to take a second look. The trip provided the much need physical and mental jumpstart I needed to return home, although I did not fully realize this until the night after returning home.

 When I began accepting chemotherapy treatments, it was August 6, 2015. I did two cycles of treatments for a total of six chemotherapy infusions – the schedule was weekly for three weeks, take one week off and then repeat. Although I was virtually housebound during this two-month adventure – I thought after stopping the infusions, I would begin to regain strength, body aches would subside, and fatigue lesson. This was not the case. The cumulative effect of the treatment brought me to my knees – I thought my time on this earth was about to end. But it did not. I am grateful. This brings me back to the realization I unearthed the night after returning home from Texas.

Saturday morning I was poised to begin taking a combination of two supplements, setting the intention that these, in part, would help bring my body back into balance and become healthy again. I am counting on these, I would think to myself – this literally is a life or death situation and I am not ready to leave this earth as my work is not done. As I counted out the supplements, there it was laid out before me; 26 capsules to be consumed daily; three times on an empty stomach and two times with food. The shear amount of large capsules overwhelmed me, as did the timing schedule. I began to set alarms on my phone reminding of ingestion time – I was getting frustrated now. Swallowing up to six capsules in one setting…they were getting stuck in my throat and it hurt. I began cursing these supplements. My words in general were themed negative. “How the fuck am I going to take all these fucking pills every day” another one being “I can’t believe I have been wearing these stupid panties inside out all day”. By evening time, my stomach was upset, I felt so weak in my mind, and I finally broke. 

Sharon Kapp

I began tearfully recounting all the thoughts I was having, to Curtis, and how frustrated I was at not only this process but also myself. I mean, here I am asking these supplements to heal my body yet cursing them before ingesting– yep, not the best choice. I cried from the deepest part of my heart that I worked so hard to get through graduate school, I am a therapist, but unable to practice. I cried that I no longer knew what my purpose was. I cried at those dang panties being inside out all day! 
I was so sad. 
I was so negative. 
I was feeling frustrated. 
I was searching for my purpose. 
I was feeling broken, not wounded, but broken. 

I was rapidly processing as Curtis sat and listened. I must have a looked a mess, perhaps he was thinking about how long this emotional event would go on. I wondered if he was becoming tired of me being sick. I mean, were we all just ready for this to be over? As I processed what was happening in my head, it felt good to let it out – unlock the inner secrets I keep to myself. I was pleading with myself to get my mind right – I was disappointed that I was struggling. The truth is, I know what I need to do – it is the doing that is often times the most challenging of tasks and I do not have time on my side, I have to quickly make adjustments as awareness presents. And so I did.

Saturday night was the beginning. I started to bless my handful of supplements prior to taking them; I reminded myself gently of the power of gratitude. I put out into the universe to my high power to provide a sense of my purpose. In reality, my purpose has not changed; it is just coming in different forms, looks a bit different from what I imagined. Within hours of my pleads, I received a message from a friend asking me if her daughters 6^th grade class could write to me. Then 48 hours later, I received a call from a friend sharing that she was just diagnosed with breast cancer. Absent my realization, emotional release, and processing with Curtis on Saturday night, I would not have been able to respond to either situation – but I was able to because I made the choice to sit in gratitude and get back to that peaceful place. 

Christina & Vicki at the Beach

I knew I needed to get to the beach as well – put my feet in the sand and get grounded. My good friend Vicki and I headed over to the coast for a day trip this past week and it was amazing. I shared with Vicki all the dark thoughts – she listened empathically no problem solving, just listening. We walked on the beach and it was just perfect; everything was as it should be. My beloved Grandpa LeGall showed-up with his symbolic China hat shells – I found four, this is how I know he is with me from the other side. I am quite sure he is my lead guardian angel. As Vicki and I walked, it was just us on the beach. We sat quietly in the sand at one point, my body telling me that I had way over done it, as we prepared to turn around and head back to the car. Listening to the waves – enjoying the majestic ocean this is where I feel spiritually fed. Did I mention it was perfect? I am feeling as though I am mentally and physically (slowly) getting back on track. Regardless of what my body does, I know it is essential to keep my mind in a good space, so I will.

I forgot to mention in mention that I was able to graduate from my baby toothbrush and tooth paste, back to my big girl brush! I too am able to drive a bit, which is nice – reclaiming my life. It is about the small steps sometimes. 

I never went to my PET/CT scan and I cancelled my oncology appointment too. I was planning to ask the oncologist is he was willing to make the six month call in writing so I could proceed with the paperwork to exercise death with dignity. I want to have access to the medication, if the time comes – I do not want to suffer. So why did I cancel, well, I am not ready to officially hear or see this is writing. I am not claiming the life ending diagnosis but I do want to be prepared if things start to shift again – which the doctor says will most certainly happen. This is a strange space to be in – like a holding pattern of sorts, but with my life. None of this is easy. I have body aches, fatigue, nausea, hot flashes, night sweats – it is a challenge to get out of bed each day. Most recently, I have been experiencing constant low grade head pain/pressure making it difficult to read, watch TV, and write. There is some fear that comes from this – I had a friend that passed away of TNBC after she had completed all her treatments, the cancer went to her brain and spine – she passed about 9 months after her diagnosis. I try to push any thought of this happening to me away – but it is not easy. 

Someone recently asked me "how I do this,” keep positive and hopeful, this was my response:

How do I do it? Hmmm, I just do. It's tough sometimes, especially this latest event where I thought I was going to die. It's strange knowing doctors say that death awaits me in the near future. I just decided not to claim that diagnosis for myself; instead I am committed to getting well and bringing my body into balance. To be doing or thinking thoughts that don't serve me well, would make things so much worse. It's not worth it. Our minds are a powerful tool so keeping positive can only help- even in our darkest hours. Keep hopeful!

There are many things that are out of our control – but what we do have the power to do, is too forever remain hopeful in order to walk these difficult journeys authentically, triumphantly, and with grace.

Please consider supporting our online fundraising efforts - additional Ways to Help are located on the home page of the blog, on the top right side.

Fundraising Link:  http://www.gofundme.com/christinagarrett

Today, I am hopeful~

Holy Night Sweats Part Two:

Curtis went back to work on Wednesday this past week; he had exhausted all his vacation time and had taken several FMLA days, which are unpaid. It was good for him to get back to work; he disagreed at first but now is feeling more comfortable being away from me being that I can slowly navigate at home alone. Jackson showed up at the house during his lunch hour Wednesday - Friday – I think he was making an excuse to come home to see if I was okay. I did not ask – I just smiled. So our lives are getting back to normal a little bit, as my health improves. I cannot believe it has been over two months since this crazy cancer situation came back to life. I am left wondering what happens next. I know that I have a terminal diagnosis at this juncture, but I am refusing to accept that – I am still going to keep trying to get this body healthy and beat the odds. I am all about not fitting into the “norm” so naturally, I will regain my health and continue to live into my 80s.

I have been experiencing hot flashes by day and intense night sweats by night! This is not my first rodeo with this sweating situation – it happened after the first time I had chemotherapy four years ago. I am losing water from my body at a rapid rate; sweat city up in here people! Good thing I am not a stinky person – it would be unbearable to be around me. On Wednesday, I was able to receive IV hydration at the infusion center. I arrived, barely able to walk from the car into the building; I pulled a chair up to the check-in window to sit while I checked in with the staff. The lovely woman came out to the waiting room to place my identification wristband onto my wrist – she could see my fatigue and responded with gentleness. Curtis and  I were escorted back after waiting, what seemed like forever, it was actually about 15 minutes, to what the RN’s call “the closet”. Holy small room – closet was actually an understatement. The RN, Andrea was very kind, as she somehow maneuvered around this space. I was desperate for hydration and I knew getting a vein was going to most likely be a challenge, and it was. The first attempt in what I refer to as my “good arm” the right side where the cancer likes to rest – this arm usually goes untouched as to avoid inviting lymphodema into my life, it was a fail – no vein. So we moved to the left arm for a try and it she got it! So here we go…fluid! YES~ I then became a bit anxious due to the small space – so I took a Xanax. Even after I took it, I remarked that I was about to have a panic attack and how strange it was being that I had a Xanax on board. I was able to use mindfulness techniques along with reminding myself of how much better I may feel after rehydrated. It worked no panic attack. After the treatment, I did feel a bit better and was able to walk to the car without much assistance. Upon arriving home, I was SUPER hungry for the first time in a long time. I ate a southwest chicken bento bowl from Café Yum and then went to sleep for a couple hours. Oh my gosh, when I awoke, I knew that I was slowly turning the corner with my health.

Curtis has been my own personal angel looking after me in the most loving way – even when his heart was breaking and his body was tired from caretaking. He too was my personal chef. To know me is to know that I do not eat red meat and have not in nearly 25 years. My Ayurvedic practitioner, Sharon Kapp has been encouraging me to consume bone marrow soup for several years, but the idea of it just turned my stomach! Well, I finally gave in and Curtis cooked up a large batch of bone marrow broth. After cooking it down for 72 hours, it was ready for consumption. I drank a little bit and it was not so bad; actually, my body was craving it, so I consumed more. I now am consuming a cup of the marrow broth daily – my body loves it and it seems to be giving me strength.

Friday, Curtis and I were able to watch Jackson’s football game that was in Silverton, an away game. Elaine Markley, from Corvallis HS – our super awesome Monday meal angel, was able to arrange with Mark, the principal at Silverton HS, for us to drive our car and park on the track by the visitor stands. It was wonderful; best warm seat in the house! I appreciate the extension of grace and willingness of both Silverton and Crescent Valley High Schools that have been incredibly accommodating. Mark escorted us from the gates onto the track, clearing everyone out of our way as though we were royalty. I was a bit embarrassed – Like here comes the bald woman, cancer girl. Sometimes it is awkward to have people stare at me; this was one of those days but totally worth it, the game was awesome and Jackson had several great plays; the team garnered their first win of the season, it was a good night.

My mom was reading a research study of these two supplements, that when combined, showed success in reducing Triple Negative Breast cancer cells. She has ordered the supplements and I am

excitedly awaiting their arrival! The formula is comprised of ingredients that I am familiar with during all my research over the years – so I am hoping this may be the missing element in my regiment. I am ready to get healthy again and say goodbye to this cancer forever!!!! I love that I have so many people rooting for me, praying and sending healing thoughts on a daily basis – it makes a difference, I can feel it.

I am looking forward to the upcoming days that will hopefully bring increased energy and health. My trip to Texas is coming up, so I need to continue to gain strength allowing my body to heal as my immune system gains strength. I am not sure if I wrote of my trip in my blog already – dang chemo brain. I am wanting to go to Texas to see my kids, grandbabies, family, friends, and my Ayurvedic practitioner. When I mentioned my desire, Darrin and Deborah Poole extended tremendous generosity – they purchased first class tickets for me to travel, along with my beloved friend Leslie who will be my caretaker during the trip. Deborah understands this struggle; she is currently dealing with breast cancer as well. I am humbled that I am blessed with many Angels that walk among us like the Poole Family.  

I was able to finally write return letters to everyone that has been waiting! I wrote so many letters this weekend, my hand and arm sore from the marathon writing sessions. So look for a letter from me, if you were one of the 30+ backed up letters, writing really lifts my spirits and I appreciate every word that is sent my way. Please keep sending letters – it is therapeutic for me to write. Although I may not remember what I write to each person, please know that in that moment, my written words are in direct response to your words; what I write is what is on my heart after reading your letter. Sometimes, my teardrops stain the paper and this is okay – it cleanses the soul. THANK YOU for being in this journey with me, sometimes it is tough to watch and walk alongside me – I know this.

Please support our fundraising efforts:

http://www.gofundme.com/christinagarrett

Today, I am hopeful~

The real face of cancer…

 Of course I want to always be as positive as possible yet over the past several days I have felt closer to death than I wish to travel again. I remain fatigued, feeling broken, and without much hope. I told a few friends last week “fuck it, I am no longer going to hide what my real truth is when I feel awful”. So I will not. It has really been a struggle since last Friday. This weekend I was unable to get out of bed; Monday, it was difficult to walk to the sofa – but I finally made it. Today, I feel like shit yet again, but after finally giving in and taking some medication, am seeing a bit of relief. There have been many tears shed over the past few days.  Curtis looking after me so gently – with love, that kind of love that clearly shows –“for better or worse, we are in this together”, he says this often. His heart breaks; he knows not where to place his pain or make sense of all this. Together we cannot make sense of it either. I think it is one of those – it just sucks kind of deals. No sense can be made.

I want to feel better for a lot of reasons, I want to live and I feel as though I am merely existing right now. I am quite sure my photo speaks loudly – it is painful. I hope to gain my strength to be able to travel to Texas in a couple weeks. At this moment, I just cannot see it happening, but then I am just struggling in this moment, so the future seems too far off to consider. 

While we appreciate everyone’s dedication to sending and offering positive healing energy and prayers for healing I am going to be frank – what we need is to raise money so Curtis can take leave from work – FMLA  Family Medical Leave Act – this is an unpaid leave from work, leaving us no income to pay our bills. In addition, we must make our health insurance premium payment while he is on leave. My family has helped with medical premiums and our rent for three months – but we have many more expenses and no way to pay them. Please spread the word that we need help. I want to spend time with Curtis and he wants to spend time with me. Please help us, every dollar counts!

Please support our fundraising efforts:

http://www.gofundme.com/christinagarrett

 

I am behind on my return letter writing, really too fatigued to do much of anything, but appreciate each word that is sent my way. I just got off the phone with my oncologist and he has placed orders for me to go to the infusion center for hydration, hoping this may help. Now I wait for the infusion center to contact me and schedule my appointment, hopefully sooner than later.

Today, I am hopeful~  

Time to change things up a bit...

I am having some mixed emotions as I write this blog post. Currently, I am at the CoHo Inn, sitting on a sofa, my feet perched upon the coffee table as I feel the Oregon Coastal breeze blow softly into the hotel room, and the waves crashing in a unique rhythmic fashion, I wonder if they are trying to speak to me. The view from the sofa is amazing. The sun shining brightly as it dances off the deep blue ocean water, the water dancing around the rock clusters as the waves break and shatter to the color white. To me – this is just about as close to heaven on earth as one can get. Communing with nature, there is nothing quite like it. Yes, I would rather have my feet in the sand, the water splashing over my toes – embracing natures coastal ice cube bath. I know the limits of my physical body right now, and enjoying a walk on the beach and sand between my toes is not an option. Although, I will be looking for an opportunity to get close enough to the sand, without walking too much, to feel the energy of the earth rise up through my body; this is healing. 

I have completed 2 chemotherapy cycles consisting of 3 sessions within each cycle; totally 6 chemotherapy infusions. The past month, I have been rendered virtually home bound, due to the side effects of the Abraxane – that is the drug I have been allowing to enter my veins over the past two months. The side effects are particularly challenging because I am left with very little energy and deep body aches. If you have ever had the pleasure of having chemotherapy, you most likely know this feeling. My appetite has been significantly diminished – which is not exactly a bad thing as I am about 30 pounds heavier then when I had chemo the first go around. When you don’t have much body weight to work with and you are losing it, that can create a set of issues. So not to worry – my extra plump sista’ booty and thighs are serving me well! The side effects I speak of are the ones you can see, but then there is another set going on inside my body. Oh by the way, I did not mention losing my hair as a side effect, because I am way to sexy with this baldhead – it’s a bit unfair to those around me, so I do not want to even make you think that baldness is a Con – it is actually a Pro in my book.

I am so distracted by the ocean sounds, I am finding it difficult to continue on writing this update. You see, there are different ways to look at things – take the old adage, do you see the glass as half full or half empty? It is what it is and yet there are two different ways to consider the cup – positive, it is half full or negative it is half empty. To know me is to know, I am a half-full kind of girl AKA Queen of the reframe. After visiting with the oncologist, he was pleasantly surprised at how much of a rock star my body is. “you look really good” and “wow your body really responded to that chemo better than I imagined”. These are the types of things that you love to hear from your oncologist! The awesome thing that has been achieved from this chemo is that while I am taking chemo infusions, my tumor markers have nearly all returned back into “normal range”. I will share a graph that shows how well my body responded to the chemotherapy.

The dates listed are when I had chemotherapy and the test type is listed on the left hand side. As you can see – my tumor markers immediately began to decrease when taking chemotherapy. Once the number are below 31 – all will be within normal limits again. So what does this mean? It means the chemo is killing cancer cells. So when you look at this graph, you may be super stoked – but wait, there is another side of this too; so celebrate cautiously.

TEST	8/6/2015	8/13/2015	8/20/2015	8/28/2015	9/10/2015	9/17/2015
CA 125	539	350	180	75	23	16
15.3	115	89	78	60	42	37
27.29	197	127	119	88	42	38
CEA	0.4	0.4	.6	1.1	0.7	.8

It is fabulous that my body responded so well to the Abraxane, but this poison kills all my good cells along with the cancer cells. Chemotherapy can cause one’s body organs to begin to shut down due to toxicity. The side effects, like the newly experienced neuropathy on my feet is no fun at all. Continuing to do this aggressive chemotherapy regiment is not sustainable to life and living. I must make a choice at this juncture – because something has to change.

The oncologist is still talking life expectancy of perhaps being stretched beyond six months to a year, maybe longer – I got him to say the maybe longer reminding him that I am determined woman. Curtis and I have talked a lot about what to do next. I too have sat in silence considering my next steps. I can tell you that as I write this, the amazing beautiful ocean crashing below – a gentle breeze touches my cheeks – I know I am making the right choice for me, with the support of my oncologist. This week happens to be my chemo off week!  Yippee!!!!!! I really look forward to these weeks. I will still have my blood checked on Thursday, and if current trends continue, my tumor makers will have finally land into normal range. Next week, I will undergo at CT/PET scan to see if the tumors have shrunk and completely left my body – which would be so awesome!!!!! I will then take, what my oncologist calls “a chemo holiday” and stop chemo for a cycle as I resume my alternative practices. During this four-week period, I will monitor my blood weekly to insure that my tumor markers are remaining low. I will be focusing on taking care of my body – eating clean, allowing a great deal of rest, and remaining steadfast with my alternative practices that have kept me living a wonderful life for so many years. During this time period, if my tumor markers increase rapidly, which is statistically what typically occurs, I will need to make some difficult choices once again and perhaps get a bump of Abraxane.

My hope is that this Abraxane has killed off enough cancer cells, to give my body a chance to heal itself and get back to work. Our bodies heal broken bones – this is a miracle that we forget to acknowledge far too often. Healing  miracles happen every day; I am counting on my body healing itself and asking that the creator and angels that surround me protect me and help heal my body by removing all these cancer cells from my body – and for them never to return. I am realistic – but I too am super hopeful!

Please keep sending me letters and cards, I respond to each one I receive. Your letters of support keep me going, especially on those emotionally hard days. Many thanks to everyone that loves us and is supporting us in many ways. 

Please keep sending letters to:

Christina Garrett

PO Box 192

Philomath, Oregon 97370

Please support our fundraising efforts:

http://www.gofundme.com/christinagarrett

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/tk5b/christina-s-end-of-life-wishes

Today, I am hopeful~