Curtis went back to work on Wednesday this past week; he had exhausted all his vacation time and had taken several FMLA days,
which are unpaid. It was good for him to get back to work; he disagreed at
first but now is feeling more comfortable being away from me being that I can
slowly navigate at home alone. Jackson showed up at the house during his lunch
hour Wednesday - Friday – I think he was making an excuse to come home to see
if I was okay. I did not ask – I just smiled. So our lives are getting back to
normal a little bit, as my health improves. I cannot believe it has been over
two months since this crazy cancer situation came back to life. I am left
wondering what happens next. I know that I have a terminal diagnosis at this
juncture, but I am refusing to accept that – I am still going to keep trying to
get this body healthy and beat the odds. I am all about not fitting into the “norm”
so naturally, I will regain my health and continue to live into my 80s.
I have been experiencing hot flashes by day and intense
night sweats by night! This is not my first rodeo with this sweating situation –
it happened after the first time I had chemotherapy four years ago. I am losing
water from my body at a rapid rate; sweat city up in here people! Good thing I
am not a stinky person – it would be unbearable to be around me. On Wednesday,
I was able to receive IV hydration at the infusion center. I arrived, barely
able to walk from the car into the building; I pulled a chair up to the
check-in window to sit while I checked in with the staff. The lovely woman came
out to the waiting room to place my identification wristband onto my wrist –
she could see my fatigue and responded with gentleness. Curtis and I were
escorted back after waiting, what seemed like forever, it was actually about 15
minutes, to what the RN’s call “the closet”. Holy small room – closet was
actually an understatement. The RN, Andrea was very kind, as she somehow maneuvered
around this space. I was desperate for hydration and I knew getting a vein was
going to most likely be a challenge, and it was. The first attempt in what I
refer to as my “good arm” the right side where the cancer likes to rest – this arm
usually goes untouched as to avoid inviting lymphodema into my life, it was a
fail – no vein. So we moved to the left arm for a try and it she got it! So
here we go…fluid! YES~ I then became a bit anxious due to the small space – so I
took a Xanax. Even after I took it, I remarked that I was about to have a panic
attack and how strange it was being that I had a Xanax on board. I was able to
use mindfulness techniques along with reminding myself of how much better I may
feel after rehydrated. It worked no panic attack. After the treatment, I did
feel a bit better and was able to walk to the car without much assistance. Upon
arriving home, I was SUPER hungry for the first time in a long time. I ate a
southwest chicken bento bowl from Café Yum and then went to sleep for a couple
hours. Oh my gosh, when I awoke, I knew that I was slowly turning the corner
with my health.
Curtis has been my own personal angel looking after me in
the most loving way – even when his heart was breaking and his body was tired
from caretaking. He too was my personal chef. To know me is to know that I do
not eat red meat and have not in nearly 25 years. My Ayurvedic practitioner,
Sharon Kapp has been encouraging me to consume bone marrow soup for several
years, but the idea of it just turned my stomach! Well, I finally gave in and
Curtis cooked up a large batch of bone marrow broth. After cooking it down for
72 hours, it was ready for consumption. I drank a little bit and it was not so
bad; actually, my body was craving it, so I consumed more. I now am consuming a
cup of the marrow broth daily – my body loves it and it seems to be giving me
strength.
Friday, Curtis and I were able to watch Jackson’s football
game that was in Silverton, an away game. Elaine Markley, from Corvallis HS –
our super awesome Monday meal angel, was able to arrange with Mark, the
principal at Silverton HS, for us to drive our car and park on the track by the
visitor stands. It was wonderful; best warm seat in the house! I appreciate the
extension of grace and willingness of both Silverton and Crescent Valley High
Schools that have been incredibly accommodating. Mark escorted us from the gates
onto the track, clearing everyone out of our way as though we were royalty. I
was a bit embarrassed – Like here comes the bald woman, cancer girl. Sometimes
it is awkward to have people stare at me; this was one of those days but totally
worth it, the game was awesome and Jackson had several great plays; the team
garnered their first win of the season, it was a good night.
My mom was reading a research study of these two supplements,
that when combined, showed success in reducing Triple Negative Breast cancer
cells. She has ordered the supplements and I am
excitedly awaiting their arrival!
The formula is comprised of ingredients that I am familiar with during all my
research over the years – so I am hoping this may be the missing element in my
regiment. I am ready to get healthy again and say goodbye to this cancer
forever!!!! I love that I have so many people rooting for me, praying and
sending healing thoughts on a daily basis – it makes a difference, I can feel
it.
I am looking forward to the upcoming days that will
hopefully bring increased energy and health. My trip to Texas is coming up, so
I need to continue to gain strength allowing my body to heal as my immune
system gains strength. I am not sure if I wrote of my trip in my blog already –
dang chemo brain. I am wanting to go to Texas to see my kids, grandbabies,
family, friends, and my Ayurvedic practitioner. When I mentioned my desire,
Darrin and Deborah Poole extended tremendous generosity – they purchased
first class tickets for me to travel, along with my beloved friend Leslie who
will be my caretaker during the trip. Deborah understands this struggle; she is
currently dealing with breast cancer as well. I am humbled that I am blessed
with many Angels that walk among us like the Poole Family.
I was able to finally write return letters to
everyone that has been waiting! I wrote so many letters this weekend, my hand
and arm sore from the marathon writing sessions. So look for a letter from me,
if you were one of the 30+ backed up letters, writing really lifts my spirits
and I appreciate every word that is sent my way. Please keep sending letters –
it is therapeutic for me to write. Although I may not remember what I write to
each person, please know that in that moment, my written words are in direct
response to your words; what I write is what is on my heart after reading your
letter. Sometimes, my teardrops stain the paper and this is okay – it cleanses
the soul. THANK YOU for being in this journey with me, sometimes it is tough to
watch and walk alongside me – I know this.
Please support our fundraising efforts:
Today, I am hopeful~
1. Canine Caboose: Albany (541.926.3272) Jessie,
the owner and groomer is amazing and comes highly recommended.
