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August 13, 2011

The date is set…


August 16, 2011 is the day the chemotherapy will begin.  As The Date approaches, I find it increasingly challenging to accept this cancer.  It was an incredible blow, to hear a doctor inform me that I have an aggressive form of breast cancer; it carries a poor five-year survival rate.  For my boys, the reality that mom has cancer is beginning to resonate.  When I look into their eyes, I see fear, a sense of helplessness, disbelief, and sadness with a twist of lingering denial that mom has cancer.  Real Talk, my appearance is going to change – my hair will begin to fallout in two–three weeks and my energy level will decline.  My intention is not to be afflicted with all the other nasty side effects of chemotherapy.  At times, the night is rough and filled with many emotions.  My sadness is deep and my emotions raw.  I know my children hear me painfully weeping; “I just want this to go away!”  This is tough. 

I remain hopeful and positive despite my amplified crying person status; my sense of humor seems to be undergoing an amplification of its own!  For example, as I climbed up onto the acupuncturist treatment table and began to roll-up my pant legs, I began apologizing for the overgrowth of hair on my legs.  I remarked, “I can’t shave my legs with a regular razor and the electric ones don’t get the job done – it’s only going to get worse!”  She kindly smiled; I then remarked, “Wait a minute, my hair is going to fall out…never mind, my legs are going to be smooth before you know it!”  She giggled.  Another example, spanning the last five days, I declared, “I need to get fat!”  Who would have thought?  As with most things, this ideological goal is three pronged – enjoy spicy food prior to chemotherapy, gain a few pounds that I could shed without falling to low in weight, and enjoy the taste of food before it alters.  My best efforts have failed to add the poundage I was looking to achieve…dang it all.  Gave it a good whirl though. 

Western medicine offers surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation to treat TNBC.  The End.  Out of necessity, I preformed exhaustive research to design thoughtfully, my personal integrated modality toolkit.

1.  Chemotherapy:  Cytoxan and Adriamycin AKA The Red Devil – four course every three weeks followed by Taxotere every three weeks – four courses. 
2.  Fasting, consuming water and perhaps fruit juice, 48 – 60 hours prior to chemotherapy followed by fasting 24 hours post chemotherapy.
3.  Daily supplements: Nature’s Immune Stimulator, Suma, Vitamin E Complete with Selenium, and Vitamin D3.
4.  Weekly acupuncture
5.  Weekly Dahn Yoga energy work, meditation, relaxation, and breathing training
6.  Daily positive affirmations
7.  Writing

There you have it!  I am ready to conquer this TNBC.  I want to live.  I need to live.  I am at peace, each kind word, thoughtful act, unknowing smile, card, meaningful text, voice-mail, emails, and blog postings received by those around me, truly lift me up when I am emotionally and physically fragile.  Many thanks for the overwhelming love, support, and encouragement.  Today, I am hopeful.