March 2, 2016

March 2, 2016

FP post from March 1, 2016

Things are going well choosing to FB rather than blog, it's quicker. Turn on your Cyndi Lauper music because...well look below. Been sporting this lovely IV protector the past two days. Monday they found a single tiny vein that has lasted two days and hopefully Wednesday as well, then it's time to come out and look for a new spot to start on Thursday.

For some reason my top eyelashes have been coming out, although there is new growth underneath- not sure what that's about, it started prior to coming to Germany.
I can feel my body wanting to rest a bit more as the time goes on. Next week (3rd) is said to be "the toughest" week therefore there is only 4-days of treatment. I'm just focused on getting through each day- right now as I enter the middle of week 2 of treatment. So grateful Curtis is here, I could not do this without him!!!

There is a window by my bed. I often stare out the window watching for a departing plane; I visualize myself flying back home on the plane. I'm homesick.

Today, I'm hopeful~

March 3, 2016

Tonight I was taking a hot soak, shaving my legs as to not be too European when I swiped across the tattoo adorning my left ankle, a lotus flower. I smiled. You see, a lotus flower can only grow out of muddy bogs, but when the flower blooms, it is a delicate perfectly clean beautiful lotus flower. This reminded me that despite all the mud that may be in my pathway - I too shall continue to bloom perfectly beautiful as does the lotus flower; if not for the muddy bog, the flower could not bloom so glorious. We all need some muddy times in order to develop our higher selves and grow into more compassionate, loving, giving, and understanding people. You see I choose to see the mud as my playground for growth. I strive each day to live with a heart of gratitude, to acknowledge my pain and suffering, to let this move through me, to give of myself while living authentically.

You see today was a bit bumpy. Treatment started off painful, with an IV that was ready to give out but my little vein held in there for three days! I became tearful and just needed to cleanse myself.

Tears of sadness.
Tears of pain.
Tears of homesick.
Tears of frustration.
Tears for no reason in particular.

This is okay. A doctor tried to comfort me, but you see, sometimes those around you need to be okay with you not being okay. Let the person have their moment. Check in with them, but then give them space to cleanse their soul. It is okay. At lease for me -  I do not need someone to tell me to hold onto hope or be strong. That's not my issue - I am very hopeful. I am very strong. I am very determined. I just needed to cry.

This is a photo of my Infusio Team - totally planning on rocking out this treatment, finding complete health and beating the odds.

I declare that I shall return to the US from Germany with health and a renewed sense of hope.

Today, I am hopeful~