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August 28, 2015

When you ask the universe for what you need–

be prepared to receive. Most know I attempt each day to walk this journey with grace, love, patience, and gratitude; some days I do better than others, and this is okay. Real Talk – it has been a challenge to achieve this lately. Today I found myself, yet again speaking the phrase “things have changed…it is different this time…I am dying” into the universe. As I drifted off into an afternoon nap alongside my puppy Junior and my friend Kim, I began thinking about how my words lately are not serving me well. The frustration and anger that is boiling within my thoughts – that I would like to attribute to the cancer, actually has little to do with this cancer diagnosis. Yes, it is true that things have changed; yes, it is true that it is different this time; but what I will not continue to claim and speak into the universe – is that I am dying. I am just not going to keep saying it anymore – I do not have an expiration date on my life and I will not claim one before it is time. My body is tired.  My mind is tired. But my heart and soul are strong and still in this life journey, it just looks a little bit different than it did four weeks ago and that is okay. I am determined to live this life that I have to the fullest – filled with positivity because that is who I am … #fuckcancer!

Now let me slow my roll and give the back-story; I crawled slowly out of bed this morning, exhausted, achy, itchy, and feeling defeated. I wanted to crawl back into bed and stay there all day, forgetting my doctor appointment and my manicure date with my friend Kim. But instead, I chose to get up, get dressed, and ready for my day which by the way only takes about 7 minutes since I don’t have to worry about my hair! Equally fun is that I am a bit forgetful and confused these days – mind is impacted by the chemo. When I walk, its with a little semi-sexy wobble of sorts; at least that is what I like to think. During my blood draw I had quick snooze; I guess I am getting used to being poked, and then it was off to my appointment at Hair, Body, and Sole for a complimentary manicure.

This foundation was created by cancer survivor Lisa Mattson, owner of Hair, Body and Sole Salon and Day Spa. Lisa has experienced chemotherapy herself and understands the special needs of patients undergoing treatment. Her goal is to provide a supportive environment, giving local women the opportunity to relax and indulge themselves monthly with a variety of salon services. The stylists at Hair Body and Sole donate their time to offer free manicures, pedicures and hair/wig trims to cancer patients as they go through their journey.   

Christina Christina & Kim Ragain
I met Tiara who treated my hands to a fabulous complimentary manicure. As her and I talked, I was reminded of who I really am and the choice I made four years ago about how I was going to walk the journey called life – even though, even when. Although it is a difficult time emotionally and physically for me, this does not change the essence of who I am as an individual. It is okay to hit some speed bumps in the road; they slow us down giving us a chance to remind ourselves of what is important. Today, Tiara and I needed each other and it was not by accident that we were connected by the universe on this day.

Today, I am hopeful~