After a month long break from my Ayurvedic Guggulu’s I am pleased to be back on my regiment. After returning from Texas with an outstanding health report, I discontinued several of my supplements for a 30-day period to let my body system rest and gain some footing. I must admit that I felt a bit out of sorts … well, a lot out of sorts! I have been eating everything that I should not be eating – I know that food is my medicine and that I am either feeding the cancer or fighting it. Admittedly, I have been feeding it. Tomorrow is a new day and I am committed to getting my eating where it needs to be. The good news is that I have enjoyed every bite of food being put into my body: the good and bad alike. I have now been back on my treatment regiment for two weeks and I am beginning to feel increasingly balanced. I will most likely get my blood work done this week to check my tumor markers and a whole host of other counts that I monitor. On another front: Auntie Flow invited herself for an extended stay this month, 14 days to be exact! Way to long and entirely too intense. After some much-needed guidance from my Ayurvedic practitioner and treatment from my Acupuncturist, I do believe my houseguest has departed until next month.
Several nights ago, I learned that a friend of a friend carries the same breast cancer diagnosis as I do and was diagnosed around the same time I was – July 2011. As my friend shared this information with me, she revealed that this woman is now stricken with a secondary cancer, brain cancer. When I heard these words, my heart sank. Nodding my head up and down, I said, yep – this is typically cancers next stopping place for those diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer, TNBC. I left my friends home and as I made the short drive to my house, I began to weep. I exclaimed aloud, God please do not let this happen to me..
Most women lose their lives within five years of being diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer. If the cancer migrates and takes up residency somewhere else, as I like to say, it is typically in the brain. The reality of the seriousness of my diagnosis flooded my senses and lingered in my thoughts. A couple nights later, after awaking around 2:00 am, I lay in bed thinking about the woman that has TNBC and now brain cancer. I began weeping, not only for her, but for me as well. I was scared; I do not want this to be my outcome. I scooted my pillows closer to Curtis in bed and reached for his hand to hold; this always quiets my thoughts and brings me peace. As I wept, I felt his arm gently wrap around me to comfort my worries. This all happened the evening prior to my Shoot’n for Christina benefit event. Needless to say, it was a restless night. Crying person status … on.
It is not often that my mind goes to place of fear, but it does happen. I believe it would be strange if my thoughts did not carry me there at times. I do however, choose to not park in this zone for an extended amount of time as I choose to remain hopeful and optimistic.
Today, I am hopeful~
