I am in
the middle of recovering from Round#2 of chemotherapy. It is complicated to
sort-out which side effects can be attributed to chemotherapy vs. pain
medication. There are pros and cons to every situation, so let’s do a quick chemotherapy
pros and cons list.
Cons
|
Pros
|
Fatigue
|
Get to
sleep a lot – typically wake-up around 10:30-11:00
|
Increased
Body Aches – deep bone aches
|
Husband
is even more attentive – well his baseline is that he spoils me already but
it is even cooler now!!!
|
Memory
Loss
|
Get to
read beautiful cards that are being sent, filled with special memories and
words of encouragement
|
Slight
Nausea
|
Unlimited
reflection and meditation time
|
Agitation
|
Additional
quality time with my family and friends
|
Increased
Sleep
|
Nurses,
family, and friends willing to help make me comfortable, feeling surrounded
by love, and taken care of
|
Loss
of Appetite
|
Time
to write letters and cards to people as I reflect on memories that I want to
put on paper
|
Don’t get
to drive my car
|
A
clock is not necessary, as time simply does not matter – for the most part
|
I get
to spend quality time with my friends and family every week – super awesome
fun times snuggled up on the sofa in our blankets watching a funny movie or
TV show
|
“Oh my
gosh…babe you scored” is what I hear nearly every day, after Curtis checks the
street mail and/or PO Box mail; he walks in carrying a handful of letters that
are all addressed to me. I LOVE IT!!! It
brings me such great joy and lifts my spirit to receive the letters everyone is
sending. I cherish each written word and long to read and share more memories. I
hope people do not mind me sharing some of these precious words on my blog.
Please keep writing, I will continue to write back as long as I am able. Curtis
took me to Hobby Lobby – my first post chemo outing, 45 minutes in length and
it wiped me out! However, during my Hobby Lobby adventure, I picked up some
really cool things to make the cards I write to everyone are super Jazzy! I hope
you all enjoy them because I am having so much fun writing back.
Elaine
Markley authored an amazingly touching piece of poetry, which was accompanied
by a handwritten letter, that is now framed and displayed in my
home. I want to share it with everyone – I hope Elaine does not mind.
CHRISTINA CHRISTINA
COURAGE
Facing the enemy head on
Not backing down
Troops rally around you
You are not in this alone.
BELIEVE
Miracles do happen
Being hopeful one will come your
way
“She makes broken look beautiful
and strong look invincible.
She walked the Universe on her
shoulders
and made it look like a pair of
wings.”
SENSE OF HUMOR
Laughter is the universal
medicine
Happy endorphin's flow freely
Side aches and happy tears shared
with friends
Who else would ever admit they “prefer
weed up their ass?”
FRIENDSHIPS
From near and far, young and old
offer hope
Your warmth spills over to touch
so many
No borders, no barriers, no
boundaries, no strangers
Only joy to share with a special person.
MEMORIES
Fill the trunk
Share your thoughts now to be treasured forever
Capture good times, sayings,
pictures
Make memories real and Christina’s
wish fulfilled
Christina Christina
Always in our thoughts
Always in our hearts
Always hopeful
Your journey has made everyone
you have touched
a better person
Elaine Markley
August 5, 2015
As I
visited with some friends this morning, I spoke of how neat it is that I get
the opportunity to hear how I have influenced the lives of others and relive
memories while I am alive. Most of us will not get this opportunity; it is
typically at a funeral or celebration of life ceremony that people share these
beautiful heartfelt words and memories about their loved one. However, for me,
I get to hear it, read it and relive it while I am alive. This is one of the
many pros of knowing that your life is winding down!
As I take
a quick break from typing, to itch myself – the morphine makes me itchy, I
think about how strange it is that I have cancer and that I am dying. I then
quickly remind myself that I am open to miracles. It makes me sad to think
about dying when I am so young; I have so much more that I want to do with my
life. It too makes me sad when I catch my husband, out of the corner of my eye,
looking at me with deep love as his heart breaks that he may soon be losing the
woman he longed to grow old with. It hurts my heart when Curtis’ expression of
sorrow is so deep that it is indescribable. I watch Jackson as he makes himself
something to eat in the kitchen, and wonder if this might be the last time I
get to see him do this. I tell Jackson I love you before going to bed,
hanging-up the phone, or leaving the house (I have always done this will all my
children) and wonder if this will be the last time he will hear those words. I
watch my son Cole be defiant yet call it being independent whose verbal
expression is incredibly self-centered and uncaring – thinking, this is not how
I raised him to be and hoping he will step back into the giving person I raised
him to be. I cling to the words of my son Carlos who called to just let me know
how much he loves me and to make sure that I knew he is going to “make
something” of his life. To hear him say that I have been his number one role model
in his life and how much he loves me. I reflect on my son Dominic who expresses
that he does not know how to even imagine me no longer being alive – that he
can’t even go there, it is too painful. It is interesting to see how the people
around me respond as my life is winding down. My hope is that everyone will
find peace and be able to respond in love – while I am still alive. Life is a precious
gift. I have made many mistakes during this lifetime and hope that I have repaired these wrongs, learned from each experience, and grown into a better person. With gratitude, I say thank you to everyone that has touched my life in small and large ways – you have enriched this journey and I am thankful.
Please
keep sending me letters and bringing me hope! My trunk is quickly filling; I
may need to get a larger one before you know it! Live each moment as though it
is your last. Love hard. Give freely. And SMILE more!!!
Thank you to everyone that is donating to my End of Life fundraiser - one of my desires is to stay at the beach at least one night monthly and because of the donations received thus far, I am getting ready to schedule my first August trip!
Today, I
am hopeful~