I am going to keep this short, as I am exhausted from my treatment yesterday. On Wednesday, I was scheduled to have a PIC line placed – this was an epic failure and an extremely painful process that lasted 2.5 hours! In the end, there was no PIC line placed. I will say that John and Jim did a fabulous job of trying their best and being supportive. Nearing the end, I could not take the pain anymore and began to sob; Jim so sweetly handed me tissue and was gently cleaning up my bloodied arms. The positive is that the appointment was at the coast – my two friends Leslie and Kim went with me. After the failed PIC line, we went to grab a bite to eat at Kyllo’s – thanks for the treat Les!! I appreciate my strong support system! I am so lucky.
Over lunch, I was sharing some of by ideas about how to celebrate my life and/or to remembered me after I pass. My first fabulous idea was to have my body stuffed and mounted…it could be really cool, yes a bit creepy, but let us not focus on the creepy part. The other idea was to have a large gathering on the beach around sunset. Have food and make a bonfire. When the moment is right, I would take my death with dignity pills and pass, and then a few friends could pick my body up and throw it on the fire. After the fire burns down, collect my ashes and leave them in the ocean! Fabulous idea, right?!?! Well, perhaps not, but don’t deny there is some genius within the idea. Not to worry – I am still in the planning stages!
Everyone is so important to me and I want to make sure that I have a system in place that allows me to take care of my body- resting a great deal, visiting with friends and family, and seeing individuals face to face. After only one day of chemotherapy, I am exhausted and managing the side effects as best possible. I have recruited Team Christina to assist is end of life planning and the day to day operating of my life. I ask that everyone please remember this is a difficult time for my direct household, Curtis (husband) and Jackson (16 y/o son). I want to dedicate a large portion of my time to them as my life winds down. I too want to balance this with spending time with my close friends and family.
My team will help me get everything organized and I will keep everyone informed along the way. Although I am planning for my departure – I in NO WAY have decided to throw in the towel, just the opposite. I remain determined as ever to continue to live.
I had my first babysitter today, Krista and she was terrific. You see, Krista is a gifted writer and she brought a heart felt writing to share with me. As she read, my eyes remained closed - I could picture exactly the words and situations she spoke of. I could feel her heart through its brokenness, I could feel her heart as it gained wholeness. Krista - thank you for sharing your heart - what you wrote was absolutely perfect! I love too that you mentioned us in Dr. Bearden's classes. I too remember when I followed you into the bathroom when you left class that one day - I was drawn to your soul like a magnet. Thank you for being a part of my life.
One of the best ways to connect with me is by USPS – snail mail!
PO Box 192Philomath, OR 97370
Today, I am hopeful~